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With two teenage children, the issue of dating has
featured in our conversation. Dating seems to be the
in-thing to do when one becomes a teenager even among
the Christian circle. Having both a son and a daughter
has given my husband and me the opportunity to explore
God’s Word on the issue from both sides of the coin.
Dictionary.com defines a date as an engagement
to go out socially with another person, often out of
romantic interest.
Some
have rationalized dating to be a means of having fun
with the member of the opposite sex. However, the
question is: what kind of fun is that? When you date
someone, you give the impression that you are interested
in him/her romantically. As the dating continues, you
increase the chances of getting emotionally attached to
the person. Most of the time, dating has resulted in the
sin of fornication. When dating does not result in
marriage, you have given out a piece of yourself that
you should have reserved for your husband/wife and have
put yourself through unnecessary heartache. I believe
that dating is worldly.
As a single person, you may ask:
shouldn’t I go out and have fun? Sure, you may go out
and have fun but you should be careful what kind of fun.
Going out with a bunch of people to restaurants, shows,
etc is ok. But going out with a member of the opposite
sex even if it is platonic in nature is unwise. It sends
the wrong message and it gives room to the devil to
cause unnecessary hassle for you ...
do not give the
devil a foothold –
Ephesians 4:27.
From my observation of dating, the
person dating does not necessarily date because he/she
is sure it is going to end in marriage. In dating, the
person has this underlying assumption: let me go out
with this person to find out if he/she is the one. If
he/she is, then we may consider marriage; but if he/she
is not, then I move on to the next person. The
Christianized dating is this: let me go out with this
person to find out if he/she is the one God has
chosen for me and as I date him/her I will pray for God
to speak to me. Based on God’s Word, there is something
fundamentally wrong with this picture because
we live by
faith, not by sight –
2Corinthians 5:7.
Also,
you may ask, how do I get to know who I am supposed to
marry? God’s Word tells you: trust in the LORD with
all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your
paths straight – Proverbs 3:5-6. God is not a
hit-and-miss God. If you say you believe God’s Word,
then you should be willing to live your life by it. From
the way I see dating and even courtship being done in
the Christian circles, there is unbelief and worldliness
attached to it. My question is this: why should you date
someone you are not sure is God’s will to be your
wife/husband? God’s Word states: He who finds a wife
finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD –
Proverbs 18:22. The Word of God did not talk about
boyfriend or girlfriend, or man or woman you are
romantically interested in. Being romantically
interested in someone and going out on a date with or
even courting that person without being sure that he/she
is God’s will for you is just giving room for
unnecessary temptation of fornication and heartbreak at
the end.
The
bible says, “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes,
he will guide you into all truth... – John
16:13.” Also,
“...those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of
God – Romans
8:14.”
You have the Spirit of God to lead you and guide you
into all truth. Knowing how important marriage is to
God, do you think that He will leave you in the dark
about knowing who He intends for you to get married to?
I tell my son, “When the time is right for you to get
married, God Himself will lay that desire in your heart
and He will lead you by His Spirit to that special girl
He has chosen for you.” Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in
the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he
will make your paths straight.” You can apply this
scripture to the issue of a husband or wife. When you
date supposedly to find out who God’s will as
husband/wife is for you; then you are not trusting God,
you are leaning on your own understanding, you are not
acknowledging God in your way and you are not allowing
God to make your paths straight.
A
dear beautiful sister gave me a great analogy about
marriage that God gave her months before she got
married. When she became convinced that dating was the
wrong way to getting a husband, she wondered how she
would ever get to meet Mr. God’s will. To
quiet her mind, God gave her a vision. She saw herself
as the daughter of a mighty king. And when it was time
for marriage, this king sought out princes from all over
and ended up selecting the best of the best for her. She
did not have to do anything except wait patiently,
trusting that her father had her best interest at heart
and would provide the best prince for her. Some months
after this vision, a tall, dark, handsome and kind godly
man came her way that was everything she had prayed for
and much more. The ending to this beautiful story is
that they are now happily married.
Now
you may ask, when I met the person I know is God’s will
for me to marry, shouldn’t I go out with him/her to get
to know him/her? My answer for you is court her or allow
him to court you. For the sister I mentioned above, it
was not until after God confirmed to both of them that
they were meant to get married that she started going
out on dates with him to get to know him better.
Courtship as defined by Dictionary.com is a man's
courting of a woman; seeking the affections of a woman
(usually with the hope of marriage). However, if you
are courting someone or being courted and you are not
sure that the person is God’s will for you, then that is
wrong as well. With courting, the goal is marriage. The
courting period allows both of you to get to know each
other. An important point to note is that courtship is
not a license for sexual intimacy.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope
and a future – Jeremiah 29:11.”
To every single person, I say, God desires the best for
you. However, you will only get the best God has for you
if you believe and live by His Word. God’s Word says:
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives
favor from the LORD – Proverbs 18:22. As a man, seek
God’s face in finding a wife; as a woman, seek God’s
grace in waiting to be found.
Dating: The
Scriptural Perspective ©
2009 Olabisi Adeyi All
rights reserved.
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